Saturday, March 3, 2012

Grrrr. =/

Do you have any idea of what I go through now?? Not being able to talk to you anymore kills. And I bet it isn’t even affecting you at all. Of course it isn’t! It never does, never has. I can’t stand the fact that I’m not allowed to talk to you and tell you everything. You were the one person I was able to open up to completely. There is no one else that I have willingly opened up to and not been judged by. I have never had that with anyone else. And now I’ve lost you too. The one person that promised to never leave me again or purposely hurt me. Well, you’ve done well this time. You allowed this one to happen. You can’t expect me to not be upset. And if you do expect that, well, it’s a little too late for that. I hope you sleep well at night; because I sure as hell can’t. For over a month I would only go to bed after I heard goodnight from you. Now I don’t even get that. That was the one thing that allowed me to sleep well at night. Your car and house and presence are some of the things that kept me sane. I felt like another part of the family, and not just some body floating around you guys. I thought I was finally getting a second family that loved me like my family does. I knew that you guys would never be better than the family I was actually given, but you were still there for me. But it was like you and your kids were ripped out of my life; ripped out of the picture. How would you deal with that? How would you deal with people, who mean everything to you, being ripped out of your life? It's not easy; let me just tell you that right now. It's really not. I hope you realize, someday, what has happened. And I hope you realize it soon, because I want you three in my life for years to come. But I want it to be your choice, not mine. Please...