Junior year has come to an end..

Welp! Today was my last day of school as a Junior! Exciting, terrifying, saddening; all mixed into one. 
My summer will probably consist of this: Writing. Reading. Eating. Tanning. Swimming. Music. Family. Friends.
One thing I plan for this summer is to write at least one letter a day, if not more, to a certain someone. They mean a lot to me and I want to share all of it with them, since I won't be able to see or talk to them every day. 
I hate saying goodbye. And yes, it is something I truly hate. They never end well, and I can't stand that.  I mainly hate them because I don't know when I'll be able to actually see that person again. =/
Tomorrow one of my little sisters graduates from 6th grade.  So my morning will be spent watching that. 
My Grandma is up for it also.  So after that we get to have a family lunch.  
Ohio in 2 days.
Iowa in 4 days.
Missions Trip to Baltimore in 25 days.
Excitement just wants to burst out of my body!
I'm so ready to say goodbye to good 'ole Coudy for a bit!

May 26, 2012

Saturday, May 26, 2012
Last night I got to spend time with a family that means so much to me.  It was enjoyable and fun.  I just wish good things didn't have to come to an end so soon.  I feel like that family has done so much for me, which I guess that could be why I felt obliged to help them with cleaning their house and taking care of the animals.
We held a 5K at my church today.  We're fundraising for the missions trips that some of the kids at my youth group, including me, are going on the end of June.  I'm really excited about that.  I feel like it's going to be a really good experience.  I think it's something that the teens here could really use.
I can't stop thinking about this boy.  He hasn't left my mind since I woke up this morning.  But that's just talking about today.  He actually never leaves my mind.  I constantly think about the guy, and some people probably think I'm crazy for letting that happen.  I guess it just makes me realize how much he means to me, which is a whole lot.
Two and a half days left of this school year, then I'm a senior.. it's kind of scary, if you ask me.  I'm ready to graduate, but at the same time; I'm not.  I know that I will definitely miss my years in high school.  All the friends, sleepovers, teachers, projects, just not the drama.  It has all given me so many good memories.  And I'm pretty sure I will never forget any of them.
Well, summer is 5 days away.  My Ohio trip is 6 days away.  And my Iowa trip is 8 days away.  My missions trip is 29 days away.  It's all so close. Yet so far away, all at the same time.  But I am still definitely looking forward to everything I can experience this summer.  It's time for some memory making this year.

That weird feeling...

May 21, 2012

Today has been…weird.  I’m pretty sure I think too much, though.  That’s the main cause of quite a bit of things.  I mean, to me it feels like I’m bipolar.  I’m perfectly content with my life one minute, then the next I just want to scream because I’m so upset.  Yet I can never actually explain what is upsetting me.  It’s strange.  And people these days, ugh!  I do the best I can with everything I do.  But sometimes people can just get to me with the slightest things they say.  I try so hard not to let things bother me, but sometimes it can just truly not be helped one bit.  I know this isn’t a lot of writing for today, but it’s late and I’m exhausted.  More tomorrow.

Life in three paragraphs.

I know I can never change my past.  Yet somehow, I am kind of okay with that, but only to a certain extent.  There are still those certain things that I just wish I could go back and change.  I believe that I always will want to.  I can’t help but think of the “what if’s” in life.  They are constantly haunting people.  Isn’t that life, though; the act of wanting to change all the mistakes that you made in the past?  Every person hopes for that wish at some point in their life.  That’s only because every human being makes mistakes.  We all have issues, problems, fears, hopes, dreams.  The issue is this: we won’t go far enough to fix things, reach for our dreams, and overcome our fears.  All we choose to do is talk about them, complain about them.  Is that really ever going to help us make it far in life?  What would this world be like if we all worked together, even for just one day?  Could we really make a big impact on the world?  Could we change the way people treat each other? 

Why don’t we, as people, ever reach for things in life?  I mean, life is short as it is, why put things off to another day?  We have right now.  That is truly all we can be completely sure about.  We don’t know if tomorrow will ever come, let alone next week or next year.  Life is this absolutely beautiful thing that we take for granted daily.  Why not stop that?  It takes one person, just one, to stand up against the world and make a change for just themselves.  You reach for one of your goals every day and you can change the way you live.  It wouldn’t be that hard if we actually put forth a good effort.

There are quite a few things I have learned about life this past year.  What effort you put forth, is exactly what result you are going to get back.  Every little choice that you make has a consequence, whether good or bad. God is the only person that you are ever going to be able to completely trust, he is the only person that will truly never let you down.  Now, why is it that we have trouble believing and understanding these things?  I mean, they’re just simple words.  Simple words put together to make complex sentences.  Complex doesn’t always mean bad.  Complex can sometimes mean it’s true, but you’re just going to have trouble admitting to the truth.  Everyone does, it’s the way life is.

Confused Feelings and Thoughts

Faith. One word. One five-letter word. Faith. Faith in myself. It’s what I’m lacking. I’m lacking it and it’s something I truly need right now. Why don’t I have it? You have faith in me, so why can’t I have it in myself? Why’s it so hard?


Believing. Believing in myself. That’s something else I can’t do. Yet, you do it so easily. You believe in me. So why can’t I do that either? Why’s it so hard?

Strength. That’s what I lack the most. I don’t have the strength to keep a constant smile on my face. You think I have strength. The strength to do anything. But I don’t.

Trust. Oh, it’s so hard to do. Trusting that everything will be okay. Trusting you. Trusting myself. Trusting we’ll be ready. Trusting that you truly do care about me.

Love. Such a small, yet oh so powerful word. Love. It’s hard to believe that you love me sometimes. Yet when you kiss my forehead, hug me, and tell me that everything is going to be alright, love is then a little bit easier to believe. Sometimes it’s true. But . . .

Lost. That’s what I am. Lost in this place that everybody calls life. Lost. I’m not even sure who I am, or what I want anymore. I’ve lost myself in the motions of life.

Hurt. That’s also what I am. Hurt from the moment my dad left. Hurt from the day I crashed. Hurt from the days you’ve been upset with me. Hurt. It never really goes away.

Pain. That’s what I’m dealing with. The pain of my dad. The pain in my chest. It won’t leave. It’s like the pain is nailed there. And I can actually feel the nail.

Sick. Every day. Something new every day. That gut-wrenching sickness when you’re scared. The constant shakes because of fear and nerves. The booming headache that never leaves.

Truth. That’s so hard to get these days. No one tells the truth anymore. Lies seem so much more convenient for people. It hurts. The truth doesn’t. Well, not as much.

Confidence. It’s dwindling. One day I have it. The next day it’s gone. Some people help me with my confidence. Yet it only takes a few people to crash it all back down again.

You. You’re the only person that’s able to help me. Yet you’re capable of hurting me so very much. Some days you don’t even realize it. The smile that’s hiding so much pain. The make-up that hides the tears. You don’t normally realize it. I hide so many different things from you. Yet I feel so very bad for doing it. Yet you’re always here.

Life. It’s hard to understand sometimes. It’s complicated. Don’t always know where you’re going. Or what you should be doing. It’s like a game. But nobody can win.

Thoughts. They take over. My thoughts are oh so very dangerous. I can’t control them. It hurts…you know…to think what I think. They’re demanding in every way.

Suicide. That’s come and gone. Not recently though. I hurt my family with that. All the cutting and everything else. It didn’t help. Nope. Not at all. Not one bit.

Fear. Constant fear. Fear that I’m letting my family down. Fear that I’m not making the right decisions. Fear takes over too. Shaking. Headache. More pain.

Regret. This is such a tough one. I regret so many things in my life. Hurting you. Putting you through all that crap. For letting Avery hurt me the way he did. Letting Scott do everything he did to me. Not stopping it sooner; allowing both those relationships to last for months without end. I regret it.

Cost. It has all cost me so much. The counseling. The tearing apart of my family. The tearing apart of their family. Trust, just thrown right out of the windows.

Honesty. I haven’t been honest with you. I haven’t been honest with myself. It’s hard sometimes because I fear you’ll hate me. Fear. See, there’s that word again.

You. See, it all comes right back to you. Right back to why I started writing this whole thing. I wrote this for you. To be honest and to let my thoughts just spill out onto the paper. Everything I have been thinking is right here. It’s not a lie. It’s the truth. You should ask what’s on my mind right at that moment more often. You might learn more about me. And new things too. You know, maybe I have such a difficult time believing you love me and care about me because I have been hurt so many times. People pretend, and it kills me. But when you do those small things every once in a while, they help me believe in you. I just need to be sure that you’re not going anywhere. But you won’t. I know that. You care. I just need to believe, and trust, and have faith in you. it’s not always that east to do. It just takes courage. So there’s my thoughts and worries. All wrapped up on this sheet of paper. Might not want to forget this. It only happens once in a lifetime. Believe me. 

It's a Slow Fade.

 It's a slow fade. Man. This song has really been speaking to me quite a bit lately. Just listen to the lyrics below. They're wonderful. I love the fact that this song is capable of telling people that you don't just crumble in one day. It takes days to lose yourself. Not one day. Not one little thing. It takes things built up over time to tear your life and you apart. Remember that. It'll take you far.

"Slow Fade"

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Success!

Friday:
Game/party night = check!
Spend time with best friend = check!
Spend time with guy I like = check!

Saturday:
16th surprise birthday party = check!
Meet new people = check!


Sunday:
Church = check!
Finish making health quiz = check!


Weekend:
Spend much needed time with family and friends = check!
Living with no regrets for the weekend = check!

This weekend was a definite success!

Lasting impacts.

Do you know how easy it is for someone to make an impact on your life? How fast it can actually happen? Well I just found out. We held a surprise 16th birthday party for my best friend, Emily. I met her "Grandpa" Joe. He isn't her actual grandpa, but she calls him that. He was absolutely amazing. Such a loving gentleman. Within minutes of first meeting him he was already picking on me and making me laugh. And I don't mean for any of this to make him seem like a creep. Because he is far from that. By the end of the night I was calling him Grandpa Joe too. We are all going to a Laura Story concert in about two weeks, my best friends family, her, Grandpa Joe and his wife and I. I really can't wait. He is a wonderful Christian man. I love him. Within the three hours I was around him, I felt like he was family. His wife loved me too. And he told me he loved me at the end of the night. They invited me to visit their church and I'm super excited to.

Anyways, don't even take advantage of the new people you may meet or encounter in your life. You never know when one of them is going to make a lasting impact and stay in your life for years to come.

♥

When you aren't sure what to do....

I’m not necessarily mad at you. I’ve just been thinking quite a bit lately. I mean, have you taken the time to stop and think about what’s going to happen at the end of this school year? You’ll pretty much be out of my life till my senior year. I’m not really okay with that. This is one of the reasons I wish I wouldn’t have gotten close to you again after two years. That’s why it was so easy for me to shut you out for those two years; then I didn’t have to deal with the hardest goodbye once school ended. 

 

 

Two years. Do you even know how hard it was to keep you shut out for that long? Well let me tell you; it was a living hell. There is really no other way of describing it to you. Two years without the person that impacted my life so greatly. Yeah, it sucked. I could barely even walk past your classroom without wanting to burst into tears. I felt terrible. I just didn't have the guts to let you back in after what occurred.

What do I do now? Do I just go through the rest of the school year like normal, say goodbye on the last day and then just walk away? Walk away knowing I won't hear from you for 104 days? Knowing your kids won't be a part of my life for three months? Knowing I won't be able to sleep at night because I can't say goodnight to you? Knowing I can't count on you when I need it the most?

I'm not really sure what you expect to happen this summer. Actually, my guess is that you won't even care or notice. You're not gonna care what's happening to me or what goes on over the summer. It's gonna be your time to be free and I'm not going to be a part of that.

 

 

You promised. You promised me you wouldn't intentionally hurt me. You promised that you would always be here for me. You promised me that there would be other times, not just that one. You promised to keep all my secrets and never judge me. What's going to happen to all that?? Will it all just disappear?

I'm sorry, but I am far from good at goodbyes. It's my main weakness. I hide the pain from you every day. Every day. Every single day I hurt more and more, knowing that summer break is just one day closer to being here. It hurts to know that you just might be able to easily walk out on the last day of school, knowing you won't be seeing me every day. 

Will you even notice a difference? I'm in your classroom every day, for at least a period. I have finished class work early, on days you weren't doing so well, just knowing that I was able to go to your class and comfort you. I show up when you least expect it, even between classes. Even when I have been pissed with you, I have still come to your room. Does that mean nothing?

I've been dreading this moment since we started the 6th grade play. 

I don't want to say goodbye to you. I want to be able to text you this summer. I want to know that I can call you when something amazing happens, when I have my stories to tell you, when I need advice on something, or just when I'm missing you. I don't want to lose contact, and I don't want it to be emails. I hate those.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is this: 

 

 

Please don't let me lose you this summer. Please show that I have actually meant something to you. Please tell me I'm not going to lose all the hard work I put into trusting you and letting you back into my life. Please just don't give up on me so easily.

All I've wanted from you this whole week was a hug. One hug. I don't get them from you anymore. You used to give me them when I was having a bad day, a good day, or just when you could tell that I needed one. You used to play with my hair, one of my favorite things. You used to tell me you loved me, even if it was only after you insulted me. It actually made me feel like you cared. You used to actually talk to me. Now, don't get me wrong, you talk to me. But we don't have actual conversations anymore. But the key words here are "used to". None of this happens anymore. There's always someone else. Someone better. My importance is disappearing. 

I don't like this, this feeling. I just wish everything was back the way it was before you and my mom ever talked. Because ever since then, you've been different. You're not the same, and it really scares me. 

Do you even care about me anymore? Or do you just tolerate me because you feel like you have to? I mean, I'm not pretty, I'm not the perfect girl, and I mess up quite often. So why do you let me come to your room?

Do you know how many times I have wanted to just walk up to you, give you a hug and tell you I love you? I want you to feel important. But whenever I've tried giving you hugs, you seem like you don't want them. So I've stopped trying. But it's different with other kids. They do it all the time. I don't see how I'm any different. 

I don't even know what to say now. =/


I love you and you mean a lot to me. I can't afford to lose you completely. I do need you in my life. I hope you realize that. 

I love you...

KONY.2012

This video really does say it all. Please take the time to watch it. It's not something that I could even pass over. And it's quite impossible to just stop watching halfway through. 

That boy (:

So, It's Monday!! Now, normally Monday's are everyone's bad days. Mainly due to the fact that it starts off the week. Like many other's, my Monday started off not so great. Some teachers decided to be jerks and others were just plain stupid and ignorant. But! Then I had my two practices after school. One was for IU9 Band. The other was for show choir. But there is this guy, yes it's all about a guy. I have liked him for years now. The good part? He likes me back (: He is in the band with me. And he is also my dance partner for Show Choir. So, we had the privilege of dancing together again today! It was amazing. I don't really know how else to explain it. The way I felt in his arms the whole time. And the way he looked into my eyes at that one part of the dance. Ahhh! It's like heaven! For one move we have to grab hands, do this little lean thing backwards. Then we both pull forward. Meanwhile we both let go with one hand. He puts a hand on my waist and I put one on his chest. You sing to each, so looking into each others eyes, look out to audience then do a spin to end the song. IT WAS AMAZING!! Normally I can't hold a gaze for longer than three seconds with anyone before it gets awkward. But it's different with him. I could lock eyes with him for hours... (sigh) well, I hope everyone had a good-ending Monday like me!! Night!

Happy Sunday!

It's Sunday!! These are probably one of my favorite days of the week. I highly enjoy going to Church. The worship this morning was absolutely incredible! One of the best we've had in ages. The I have Inside Out Worship Team Practice in a few hours. I play the jam-bee. It's so much fun. Then I get to go to youth. The leaders and kids there are the best. They've been such a blessing to my life. I'm pretty sure that my life wouldn't be complete without them. Well, not too much going on today. Hope everyone is having a great Sunday!

Grrrr. =/

Do you have any idea of what I go through now?? Not being able to talk to you anymore kills. And I bet it isn’t even affecting you at all. Of course it isn’t! It never does, never has. I can’t stand the fact that I’m not allowed to talk to you and tell you everything. You were the one person I was able to open up to completely. There is no one else that I have willingly opened up to and not been judged by. I have never had that with anyone else. And now I’ve lost you too. The one person that promised to never leave me again or purposely hurt me. Well, you’ve done well this time. You allowed this one to happen. You can’t expect me to not be upset. And if you do expect that, well, it’s a little too late for that. I hope you sleep well at night; because I sure as hell can’t. For over a month I would only go to bed after I heard goodnight from you. Now I don’t even get that. That was the one thing that allowed me to sleep well at night. Your car and house and presence are some of the things that kept me sane. I felt like another part of the family, and not just some body floating around you guys. I thought I was finally getting a second family that loved me like my family does. I knew that you guys would never be better than the family I was actually given, but you were still there for me. But it was like you and your kids were ripped out of my life; ripped out of the picture. How would you deal with that? How would you deal with people, who mean everything to you, being ripped out of your life? It's not easy; let me just tell you that right now. It's really not. I hope you realize, someday, what has happened. And I hope you realize it soon, because I want you three in my life for years to come. But I want it to be your choice, not mine. Please...

Thinking..

Ever sit and think about life?
You know, just the little things in life?
What you're gonna wear tomorrow?
What you should do over the weekend?
What type of lunch or supper you should make or eat?
What about the more important things in life?
Ever think about those?
Well, I do. That's for sure.
There's nothing I can do to get away from constantly thinking.
It's pretty much impossible.
I think one of my issues is that I do think too much. About everything.
I always fear that maybe I said the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time.
I replay conversations in my head; day after day.
I constantly worry that people are upset with me.
I always wonder "Why?". Nothing specific. Just "Why?".
If I have one skill in life it's thinking and worrying.
But you know, maybe that's what causes some issues in my life...
Hmmmmmm.

Music.

This post is all about music. YouTube videos; mainly. These will be the videos that have ultimately saved me throughout time. Saved me from misery and practically anything and everything. Or just videos that I love to watch and songs I like to listen to. So! Here they are.

^Someday - Rob Thomas.

^You Are More- Tenth Avenue North.

^Never Alone - Lady Antebellum.

^Scream - Katie Armiger.

Hope everyone is having a good Friday!! (:

Momma K

Ever feel like you aren't good enough? Like maybe everything is a lie in this life? I feel that sometimes. I feel like the people that I trust most don't even care about me; that I'm really nothing to them. There are always going to be those people that help you in every way, and they won't even know it. The person I look up to? Yeah, she's pretty awesome. I've known her since I started seventh grade. Because of her I got involved with the musicals at my school and became stage manager. She's the reason I stayed in it for so many years, even though she stopped doing them. It was my eighth grade year and she got really sick. Close to dying. It was absolutely terrible. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. She was gone for months, I didn't get to have any contact with her at all. It put me in a huge fog; I felt lost. Completely, and utterly, lost. She was the person that was always there for me and I thought I lost her. When she got back I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. She came back acting like everything was perfectly fine; like she was never even gone. I couldn't deal with that. After eighth grade, came lovely ninth and then tenth. I pretty much had kicked her out of my life. I refused to talk to her or have anything to do with her. I felt terrible, but I couldn't stand the fact that she did that to me. Finally, this year she asked me to help her with the sixth grade play. I agreed and we got to work together again. Throughout those few months we got the chance to actually talk quite a few different times. We were both completely honest with each other. I told her how I felt after she had left and we were able to work things out. It was great. We have both been honest with each other ever since. But now I feel like I'm losing her again. We used to be able to talk a lot. Then things occurred. Stupid things. It wasn't fair. She was the person I talked to about everything; the only person I have ever been completely honest with. And she is suddenly slipping away. Not much talking anymore, not really much opening up. I'm hoping it is just due to the fact that it's kind of a stressful time of year and that it's just a phase. I don't think I'd be able to lose her. She means way to much to me.

New York City

New York City!! That was probably one of my most favorite trips! Absolutely loved it. Although, I wasn't very big on the way people act. I love the scenery and the atmosphere. It was a lovely place to take pictures. Anyways! This weekend my high school presents their musical. I'm nervous =/ I was supposed to be stage manage it for the fifth year in a row. But, sadly, I had to quit. After the car accident I just wasn't able to keep up with practices and everything. So this year they are doing it without me. We got a preview of it today, it could be a lot better. Back stage is having major issues, which sucks for them. They have four seventh grade girls trying to do everything. Ugh! Sometimes I wish I could just go back and help them! They desperately need it!! Well, enjoy the pictures I took in NYC!! (: Hope you have a good Thursday!!

Statue of Liberty. 

New York City (:

Skyline!

Wintergirls.

At my school we have a book club. The book club goes to a book competition, usually twice a year, I think. This is the first year that I joined it. We have to read five books in order to attend a competition. The book below, Wintergirls, is the third book that I have read. I actually just finished it about an hour ago.

This book is about two girls, Lia and Cassie.  The girls were once best friends, and were now not talking at all. Right in the opening chapter Lia finds out that Cassie has died. At this point no one really knows how, just that it happened in a motel room.  The two girls both dealt with eating disorders, cutting, and feeling lost all the time.  Lia meets a guy named Elijah, and they become pretty good friends.  He saw and talked with Cassie the night she died and had a message for Lia.  Cassie had called Lia 33 times before she died.  Throughout the book she is haunted by Cassie.  Lia would do anything to rid of Cassie and to weight only 95 pounds.  She does everything possible to lose weight without people noticing.  Constant fighting with her mom, dad and step mom doesn't help her situation at all.  One day, her stepsister Emma finds her cutting herself from her neck down past her ribs.  She ends up in the hospital but only gets stitched up and food in her to make her a good weight again.  She is sent to live with her mom, which she hates the idea of.  After an appointment with her psychotherapist, she gets a cab and goes to see Elijah.  She is able to convince him to let her leave town with him.  Little does she know, that the next morning he would be gone already.  He knew he couldn't take her away from her family.  She took sleeping pills and stayed at the hotel for days. 

To find the rest out, you must read the book (:

Here are a two of my favorite excerpts from the book that really hit me:

"When you're alive, people can hurt you. It's easier to crawl into a bone cage or a snowdrift of confusions. It's easier to lock everybody out. But it's a lie."

"There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore."

South Carolina!

Hey there! My sister is in the National Guard. So we went to South Carolina for her graduation at basic training. The weather was perfect, saw tons of landscapes and the ceremonies were amazing. It was also great to see here after three months. Here only a few of my favorite pictures from the trip!! (: 

^epic dragonfly picture I took (:

^they threw smoke bombs onto the field.....

^......all different colors....

^then all of the soldiers ran out! It was so cool. 

^sisters batallion. 

^pretty sky on the way home.

Hope everyone had a great Tuesday!!

These times*

Well, today was interesting. Not a bad day, not a great day. Just another day of my life. Found out my best friend could possibly be pregnant. But, is it bad that neither of us are upset about it?? I hope that's not bad, she's a sweetheart though. My other best friend is possibly getting taken out of school. :( All because the kids at my school are so rude and mean to him. It's terrible! I can't stand it. He also happens to be the guy I like; a lot. But anyways! Here are some quotes and pictures. And also a YouTube video; one of the songs I want to do for Dessert Theater. Hope you like it all! (:

I am strengthened by my weaknesses. I am brave because of my fears. I am greater because of my mistakes. Life goes on, forget the past. 

The less you need someone's approval, the further you will go in life.

my little sister♥^^

Sometimes, you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life. 

I've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures can never replace being there, memories forget the hard times, words can never replace feelings and heroes often go unsung.

Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.

Being nice to people you don't like isn't called being two faced, it's called growing up.

Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle.

The worst feeling is being forgotten by someone you will never forget.

The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.

& she will fool everyone with her fake smile and pretend laugh.

You don't realize how much you care about someone until they don't care about you. 

Hope everyone had a good Monday!

Backyard life.

So Saturday was spent at a 'retreat' type thing for the Challenge and Change program I am involved with. It was actually pretty awesome. There were quite a few girls there, and we all really did learn a lot. Learned about leadership skills, which will be really helpful with all the activities I am in charge of. But! Here is some of my backyard photography. Hope you like it! Have a great Sunday!!

It hurts when someone you really trust lets you down.

I've had confidence in myself all along. It was just a matter of getting the pieces back in place.

Remember, when criticism is difficult to accept, there is probably some truth to it.

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. If you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.

Live with nothing to lose, nothing to prove and nothing to hide.

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.

As we get older, it becomes difficult to just trust and believe. It's not that we don't want to, but that too much has happened in life that we just can't.

Everyone says you only fall in love once, but that's not true. Every time I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.

The only thing you are given is life. The rest has to be earned.

A girl's heart is an ocean full of secrets.

A little bit-o background.

Little bit about me:

*I'm a Christian.

*My family means the world to me.

*Friends with everyone but I only have a few really close friends.

*I stand up for what I believe in & I speak my mind.

*I respect people till I have a reason not to.

*Not one to deal with drama, I find it stupid and pointless.

*Music. Quotes. Photography. Writing.

*A complete bookworm.

*I hate hurting people, and beat myself up over it when I do.

*Trust doesn't come easy for me; so once you have it don't abuse it.

*Favorite color is blue.

*I'm allergic to half the things surrounding me at all times.

*Very insecure about everything: my weight, voice, body type, looks, etc.

*Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

*Critical about correct grammar.

Reasons to blog:

1. Need a place to let everything out to people who actually want to read it.

2. I love to write; so why not use that skill to tell my story?

3. It's one of the things on my bucket list.