Thursday, March 1, 2012
Ever feel like you aren't good enough? Like maybe everything is a lie in this life? I feel that sometimes. I feel like the people that I trust most don't even care about me; that I'm really nothing to them. There are always going to be those people that help you in every way, and they won't even know it. The person I look up to? Yeah, she's pretty awesome. I've known her since I started seventh grade. Because of her I got involved with the musicals at my school and became stage manager. She's the reason I stayed in it for so many years, even though she stopped doing them. It was my eighth grade year and she got really sick. Close to dying. It was absolutely terrible. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. She was gone for months, I didn't get to have any contact with her at all. It put me in a huge fog; I felt lost. Completely, and utterly, lost. She was the person that was always there for me and I thought I lost her. When she got back I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. She came back acting like everything was perfectly fine; like she was never even gone. I couldn't deal with that. After eighth grade, came lovely ninth and then tenth. I pretty much had kicked her out of my life. I refused to talk to her or have anything to do with her. I felt terrible, but I couldn't stand the fact that she did that to me. Finally, this year she asked me to help her with the sixth grade play. I agreed and we got to work together again. Throughout those few months we got the chance to actually talk quite a few different times. We were both completely honest with each other. I told her how I felt after she had left and we were able to work things out. It was great. We have both been honest with each other ever since. But now I feel like I'm losing her again. We used to be able to talk a lot. Then things occurred. Stupid things. It wasn't fair. She was the person I talked to about everything; the only person I have ever been completely honest with. And she is suddenly slipping away. Not much talking anymore, not really much opening up. I'm hoping it is just due to the fact that it's kind of a stressful time of year and that it's just a phase. I don't think I'd be able to lose her. She means way to much to me.